The WNBA Finals Are Here & Nobody Knows WTF Is Gonna Happen

no one Knows What the f**k Is about to Happen & That’s Why the finals are Perfect! 

Welcome to the 2025 WNBA Finals.

On one side: the Phoenix Mercury! A team that flatlined in May, got left for dead in June, and then rose from the coffin in September like they just mainlined playoff HGH and a Tony Robbins audiobook.

Most did not pick them, everybody doubted them, and now they’re here like your ex who suddenly “found themselves” and won’t stop posting gym selfies.

On the other: the Las Vegas Aces! Women’s basketball mob bosses. They spent half the season fighting to make the playoffs themselves, and yet still show up to the Finals like they own the strip, the casino, and your mortgage.

This isn’t just basketball. This is premium cable.

Phoenix is Love Island.

Vegas is The Sopranos.

And we’re all about to binge-watch the mess.

PHOENIX = CHAOTIC GOOD

The Mercury don’t do comebacks. They do resurrections.

Down 15? That’s just a vibes check. Alyssa Thomas explained it like she was teaching a mindfulness course:

“It speaks volumes about the team and how we stay composed, how we can go on runs and ride the wave.”

Stay composed? Ride the wave?

That’s not a game plan, that’s an astrology app.

And then there’s Kahleah Copper, whose entire playoff run basically started with a drunk text:

“I texted [Coach Nate Tibbetts] after we lost to Minnesota… ‘I like us.’”

*Relax, we know she wasn’t drunk, it’s a joke.*  

That’s it.

That’s the foundation of a Finals team. A two-word group chat message.

Forget analytics — Phoenix is winning games powered by vibes, chemistry, and unlimited texting.

DeWanna Bonner? She’s been in the league 16 years and is back in the Finals for the fourth time. The way Bonner talked about her appearance back in the Finals sounds way less sportsy and more like a Buzzfeed article about someone finding their soulmate:

“To be back here again for the fourth time is kind of surreal. Sixteen years, only four times so the work that you have to put in to get here is so rewarding and fulfilling” said bonner.

Translation: She’s seen it all, and she’s still down for another rodeo.

That’s Auntie DeWanna, pulling up to Love Island with sunglasses and a margarita.

VEGAS = MOB BOSS ENERGY

Now swing it to the Aces.

The Aces have so many players including A’ja Wilson, Chelsea Gray and Jackie Young that have been in so many Finals each should pay a special WNBA Finals Clark County property tax fee.

“It means a lot, obviously. It was a long season… We’ve been here before, we have a team full of vets, but they do too. Every Finals experience is different, but it does help having been here before” said young.

That’s not excitement — that’s business.

She’s not here for vibes.

She’s here to cash checks, win rings and break ankles in the process.

NaLyssa Smith?

She’s living the glow-up, going from “please give me playing time” to “I’m playing for jewelry” in just a year:

“I always think back to the position I was in last year. Just thinking about how blessed I am to be in this position, going to the Finals in my fourth year.”

That’s mob family promotion.

Last year you’re running errands, this year you’re a made woman.

And then Jewell Loyd, laying it out like a capo deciding who’s gonna sleep with the fishes:

“Homecourt is a big advantage, but we have to make sure we use it. You want to set the tone early. Phoenix is obviously a tough team… It’s all or nothing.”

That’s not just a quote.

That’s a threat.

Drunk Texts ✅ Mafia Threats ✅ & Basketball in Between

So yeah — the Finals are set.

Phoenix is the messy, lovable cast that somehow keeps surviving eliminations. Vegas is the mafia family that limps into the restaurant with bruises but still owns the whole block.

One side is all group chat energy, inspirational quotes, and romance arcs. The other side is business, bodies buried in the desert, and Jackie Young looking like she just ordered the hit.

Who wins? Love Island usually flames out. The Sopranos usually end with someone getting whacked. But the drama? That’s guaranteed.

This isn’t about predictability. It’s about chaos.

It’s about resurrections, mob boss vibes, and two teams who couldn’t be more different colliding for a title.

We don’t need the answers yet — we just need the madness.

And that’s why this Finals already feels like must-watch reality TV with rings on the line.