PUT SOME F**KING respect ON OUR COACH: ERIK SPOELSTRA

Put some f**king name on our coach — Erik Spoelstra.

It’s been long overdue for basketball to put real respect on the best coach in the league — and, hilariously, the only one who’s never won Coach of the Year.

Mike Budenholzer. Mike Brown. Mike D’Antoni.

All have multiple trophies. Hell, they might as well have given one to Michael Jackson while they were at it

Scott Brooks? Dwane Casey? Nick Nurse? Come the f**k on.

Erik Spoelstra has spent 18 years turning undrafted players into playoff killers, dragging rosters that look like G-League startups to the Finals, and reinventing the word grind.

Coach Spo’s the Heat’s all-time wins leader, sixth all-time in playoff victories, and now — finally — he’s getting the international crown he deserves.

TEAM USA’S NEW DON

It was announced that team USA finally wised up and decided that Coach Spo will be officially taking over the coaching duties of Team USA, succeeding Steve Kerr for the 2027 World Cup and the 2028 Los Angeles Olympics.

Grant Hill wanted the next great American coach and he didn’t have to search far to find him, he boarded a flight to MIA and stopped off at Bayside.

This is the same dude who turned Gabe Vincent into a starter, Max Strus into a sniper, and Hassan Whiteside into a shot-blocking menace. And now you’re telling me he gets to coach Zion Williams, Chet Holmgren, Anthony Edwards, Bam Adebayo, Ja Morant, Paolo Banchero, Anthony Davis, Tyrese Haliburton, Jayson Tatum, Jaylen Brown, Joel Embiid, Devin Booker, and maybe even LeBron, KD, and Steph one last time?

Aye, good luck, Europe.

They keep saying, “The gap is closing.”

Sure….

Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, Victor Wembanyama, Giannis Antetokounmpo, Nikola Jokic & Luka Doncic — those five are elite. But outside of that?

Who the f**k else you got that’s scaring Spoelstra and a lineup of Avengers?

Last year’s Olympic team needed a Steph Curry flamethrower in the fourth to survive. That won’t happen again — not under Spo’s watch.

HEAT CULTURE IS NOW FEDERAL LAW

Spo doesn’t need a superteam to win. He’s built a career out of turning chaos into culture.

Now imagine that same mentality with an Hall of fame top 100 all-time roster.

Imagine practice starting with defensive shell drills and ending with trauma for whoever’s guarding Bam.

Imagine Spo calling a timeout and hitting Team USA with a Pat Riley stare from 4,000 miles away.

That’s what’s coming.

And for Miami? It’s a f**king cheat code.

Spo’s going to spend the next three years rubbing elbows with the best young players in the world — Anthony Edwards, Cooper Flagg, Paolo Banchero — and every one of them’s going to come back from international play thinking, “Damn… Heat Culture hits different….maybe I should sign here and win a ring.”

Oh it won’t be only just patriotic. It will be recruiting.

ERIK SPOELSTRA IS THE FINAL BOSS OF BASKETBALL — GOOD LUCK, EARTH

Two-time NBA champion. Six Finals appearances.

Eighteen seasons. 787 regular-season wins.

Zero Coach of the Year awards — and that’s somehow the most Miami stat of all time.

But he doesn’t need the trophy. He’s got rings, loyalty, and now the keys to America’s Ferrari.

So yeah, you can keep your analytics darlings, your flavor-of-the-month Mikes, and your Coach-of-the-Year participation ribbons.

We’ve got Spo and he’s about to lead the f**king world.

Put some f**king respect on Coach Spo. The best coach in basketball. The embodiment of Heat Culture and now the man running both Miami and Team USA.

The rest of the world better start praying early.

Because when Spoelstra’s on the sideline, gold isn’t a goal — it’s the bare minimum.