“NEXT FOUR OUT”? PERFECT. PRINT IT ON WARMUPS SO WE CAN SWEAT ON IT.

ESPN says bubble. KenPom says 76th. ACC says 8th.

And Jai Lucas is just sitting there sharpening a f***ing shiv labeled “Shot Selection.”

If disrespect was pre-workout, the Canes would be bouncing off the plexiglass right now.

ESPN threw us in “Next Four Out” like that’s not bulletin board crack.

KenPom posted a polite little No. 76 like he wasn’t gonna end up on a laminated dartboard in the Watsco Center.

ACC media slapped an eighth-place sticker on our forehead with zero All-ACC nods. Adorable.

Cool story. Cute graphics. It’s officially Petty Season.

Bring your highlighters. Bring the screenshots. Bring the “Nobody Believes In Us ” TikTok sound you saved at 2:11 a.m.

Because this team’s not making quotes — they’re making receipts.

DEFENSE FIRST, FEELINGS LAST: Meet the Menaces!

Jai Lucas said the quiet part into a f***ing megaphone: “Defense first.”

Not the fake kind people wear on a hoodie. The “fight-you-in-the-parking-lot” kind.

“We built this team with defense in mind… that’s how we win games.”

Then he basically smirked and said, “Oh, and we’ll surprise people with our shooting — great shot selection, not just chucking.”

Translation: Analytics dorks, put on your good khakis — the Canes are running grown-man offense now.

This roster wants to strangle your first action, eat your second, and force you to freestyle some bulls**t on your third while the shot clock blinks judgment.

And when Miami’s got it? It’s all about shot selection over attempts.

No YOLO stepbacks. No “my turn” possessions. Just clean looks and broken egos.

Tre Donaldson looks like the guy you trust with your car and your final possession. Paint pressure. Adult decisions. Jumper you can’t cheat off. That’s “crunch-time babysitter” energy.

And because every good movie needs a villain, meet Tru Washington — one of the nastiest on-ball defenders in America.

Back-to-back seasons with a steal rate north of 4.0.

Walks on the court like your dribble is community property.

He didn’t transfer here to jog — he came to take your s* and post about it.**

“NEXT FOUR OUT”? THANKS FOR THE GAS, LOSERS

You think being on the bubble hurts? Nah, that’s premium motivation fuel.

It means we don’t knock on doors — we kick that b**ch down.

Quad-1 games? That’s just cardio with consequences. Tuesday-night ACC fistfights where one stop equals two seed lines?

Perfect. Turn the lights on and hide your clipboard.

And yeah, those “USF scrimmage whispers”?

They weren’t “we’ll figure it out.”

They were “spacing’s clean, tempo’s surgical, and rotations look like they were rehearsed in a CIA bunker.”

You can believe KenPom’s spreadsheets — or you can believe the film junkies with bloodshot eyes and timestamped receipts.

Meanwhile, the 2026 board’s already heating up like Calle Ocho in July. Kevin Thomas, top-100 Montverde wing, built like a human fastbreak, is making his decision soon. Whether he picks Miami or not, the message is already on the walls:

Jai’s back in every damn room that matters.

And if you’re a real hoops sicko, circle Timotej Malovec. The man shot 44.8% from three on volume and 92.7% from the line this summer — like the rim owes him child support.

That’s your run-killer, your “oh-shit-he’s-open-again” guy.

THE PUNCHLINE

ESPN says bubble. KenPom shrugs 76th. ACC says eighth.

Beautiful.

Put it on a shirt. Print it on the warmups so the sweat stains spell “lol.” Then play like you’re stapling those numbers to a backboard.

Because if this team is what it smells like — guard-driven, defense-mean, shot-smart, and spite-fueled —
then by Valentine’s Day the “bubble” becomes “we want Duke’s seed line.”

So don’t delete the tweets.

Screenshot them. Frame them. Tape them to the visitor’s locker room mirror.

And leave a Sharpie that says “my bad” for when the ACC media starts pretending they believed all along.