YOU THINK I’M CRAZY FOR BELIEVING IN THE HEAT? GOOD.

You know that Doakes meme? Well, “Surprise, motherf**er.”*

Yeah. I got that same feeling about the Miami Heat right now. I know they’re about to do something nasty this year — I just can’t prove it yet.

So I’m talking hoops with the homies, just vibing, debating, throwing out takes — and someone had the audacity, the blasphemy, the skip-Bayless-level delusion — to say the Heat ain’t a top-four team in the East. That they’d be lucky to make the playoffs.

And I’m like what in the casual ESPN panel was that take?!

I thought this motherf**ker was trolling. I’m like you gotta be rage baiting right now.

Look, if you don’t believe in Heat Culture by now, I need you to go ahead and log out of the group chat, reset your basketball brain, and start over.

Because if you’re still doubting this squad, especially after what Spo’s pulled off the last few years with duct tape, undrafted savants, and Jimmy’s willpower alone, then I don’t know what to tell you.

Let me say this loud for the people in the back: NO, I’M NOT CRAZY. THE HEAT ARE A TOP 4 TEAM.

“No Bench Depth” My Ass

First of all, I’m tired of people acting like Miami’s second unit is a YMCA run.

Nikola Jovic? Starter-level talent. Legit 6’10” wing unicorn. If he was on, I don’t know, literally any team not coached by Erik Spoelstra, he’d be dropping 15 a night easy.

Kalel Ware? Seven-foot pogo stick with actual touch. That boy can hoop.

And Tyler Herro ain’t even back yet — when he does return, that bench gonna be spicier than a Kaseya Center hotdog. You might have Rozier sliding to the bench, and now you’re talking about real problems for defenses.

Dru Smith? Bro, he just needs to stay healthy. He’s a 3-and-D guy with actual IQ, not some G League try-hard. Pelle Larsson? Y’all hating. He’s solid. He’ll give you winning minutes, hit open threes, and take a charge that makes Spo smile like it’s 2013 again.

Keep in mind we have even talked about Kasparas Jakucionis who’s been off the bench and dropping dimes left and right going HAM off the bench.

Additionally, the Heat have Davion Mitchell who is an absolute beast defensive and a game changer in his own right (who’s entering the prime of his career.)

Keep in mind they also have the hispanic Jimmy Butler clone in Jaime Jaquez Jr.

The Offense? Yes, It’s a Work in Progress & That’s the Point. And Who TF Are You Scared Of in the East?

Now I will give the haters this: the offense looked rougher than a Wynwood sidewalk in heels. The Heat went 0-6 in the preseason and finished with the second-worst offensive rating.

But you know what that tells me? High ceiling, low floor.

Norman Powell even said it: “We’re operating at like 65%.”

Jovic said it too — this offense is chaos. No play calls. No clear No. 1 scorer. It’s basketball jazz, not a marching band. It’s experimental. Spo handed them a paintbrush and said “don’t color inside the lines, just attack the damn paint.”

This ain’t your grandma’s pick-and-roll offense. It’s drive, kick, drive again, spray it out, and pray you don’t dribble off your foot. Think Indiana Pacers on shrooms.

It’s wild, it’s unhinged, it’s beautiful — and it’s going to f***ing work.

Let’s cut the shit.

Boston? They pretty much have a brand new team. 

Philly? You trust Embiid to not spontaneously combust in May?

The Bucks? I’ll believe in them when Giannis isn’t tired of carrying. 

Cleveland? Cute bench, solid roster and they’ll probably finish first honestly. 

Atlanta? Great roster upgrades. Not worried

Knicks? LMAO. Still not worried 

Call Me Crazy. I Dare You.

Y’all acting like Miami’s walking into a death gauntlet when the East is softer than a South Beach croqueta.

If this team ain’t a top 4 seed, it’s a disappointment. Period.

And that’s not arrogance — that’s Heat Culture. If we’re not talking about at least the Eastern Conference Finals, then what are we doing? Spoelstra could turn a Little League squad into a play-in team.

The man just coached an offense with the lowest three-point attempt rate in the preseason — and still had them playing with the fastest damn pace in the NBA.

You think Spo won’t figure it out? You think Bam won’t take another leap? You think Wiggins, Norm, Ware, Herro, and Jovic can’t combine for 75 points on any given night once this offense stops tripping over itself?

Nah. Miss me with the pessimism.

Call me delusional. Call me unhinged. Call me whatever the hell you want.

Just make sure you call me when we’re hosting playoff games at Kaseya in May.

The Miami Heat are a top-four team. I’m not crazy. I’m not hallucinating.

I just got Heat goggles on — and they see straight through the f*ing bullshit.**

See y’all in the playoffs and bring sunscreen.

We’re turning the East into a barbecue, motherf*ers.**