NBA YOUNGBOY TURNED THE HEAT LOCKER ROOM INTO A CRIME SCENE

“Somewhere between a Snoop Dogg afterparty and a Motel 6 hallway.”

There’s musty, there’s funky, and then there’s whatever the hell NBA YoungBoy left behind in the Miami Heat’s locker room inside of San Antonio.

According to Heat insider Ira Winderman, this man’s tour has now left three NBA arenas smelling like someone microwaved a Backwood in a porta-potty.

The stench is so bad, teams are literally putting up signs that say:

“LOCKER ROOMS CLOSED — BEING DISINFECTED.”

You know it’s real when the janitors show up in hazmat suits like it’s Chernobyl: The Remix.

THE “MAKE AMERICA SMELL AGAIN” TOUR

I’m sorry — the “Make America Slime Again” tour? Brother, it’s giving Make America Smell Again.

Three arenas. Three hotboxed nightmares.

Orlando: Whole arena smelled like Lil Wayne’s tour bus upholstery.

Charlotte: Air quality index = Cheech & Chong.

San Antonio: Smelled like someone deep-fried an ounce in a Crock-Pot.

This is not a concert — this is a chemical warfare simulation. YoungBoy’s fanbase shows up like they’re trying to set off the fire alarm with THC.

Imagine Erik Spoelstra walking into the locker room like:

“Guys, remember: if your eyes start burning, it’s not emotion. It’s gas.”

Bam Adebayo dropped 31 points, dunked on Wemby and had a double-double through what can only be described as a dense kush tornado. That’s not conditioning — that’s lung strength.

The man should get a medal for performing under the influence of air.

THE Youngboy EFFECT

Every arena after YoungBoy leaves looks like FEMA needs to step in.

It’s not just a smell. It’s a spiritual residue. You can feel the trauma in the vents.

Winderman said it “smelled the same as the first two.”

Sir, if you can recognize a concert by the odor, we need to start testing the air for sponsorship rights. “This halftime show brought to you by Febreze: Not Strong Enough for YB.”

They had people in there with gloves, mops, hazmat masks, and probably a priest. They weren’t cleaning — they were performing an exorcism.

There’s a fine line between disinfecting and declaring a national emergency. The CDC watching this like: “We didn’t train for this.”

Meanwhile, Spoelstra’s probably drawing up defensive rotations while inhaling secondhand indica.

Spurs 107, Heat 101.

Wemby had 27, YoungBoy had 10,000 mg of impact.

Honestly, I’m convinced Miami lost because everyone was too zooted to close out on shooters. You can’t box out through a blunt cloud.

Next stop for YoungBoy’s tour? Dallas.

So if Cooper Flag starts forgetting plays mid-possession, just know it’s not the defense — it’s the contact high.