VICTOR WEMBANYAMA GOT HIS TALL FRENCH A** DUNKED ON BY BAM ADEBAYO & WE’RE NEVER GONNA LET IT GO

“WEMBY BLOCKED 5 SHOTS & STILL GOT PUT ON A f**King POSTER.”

Let’s f**king talk about it.

Yes, yes, yes — the Spurs won. Good for them. 5-0. First time in franchise history, and guess what it’s still not banner season in the Frost Bank Center.

Better question, let me ask you something…

DID Y’ALL SEE WHAT BAM DID TO WEMBY?!

Because I don’t give a French-fried f**k about his 27 points, his 18 rebounds, his 5 blocks, or his 10-for-23 shooting night…not when Bam Adebayo dunked him into a anime villain origin story.

I’m talkin’ about the moment when Bam Adebayo, 6-foot-9 and full of South Florida fury, rose up and baptized a 7-foot-4 generational freak like he was laying hands in a Pentecostal tent revival.

Because in one moment, Bam sent him to hell and back.

THE DUNK HEARD ‘ROUND LITTLE HAVANA

Let’s set the scene.

End of the first half. Bam gets the rock. One dribble. Two steps. Launch codes initiated.

And Wemby? That boy was standing there like a confused Roomba. Froze. Arms up. Eyes wide. BAM EXPLODED on him like he was trying to dunk his way through customs.

Boom. Bang. The whole arena paused.

Wemby looked like he just saw the ghost of Dwyane Wade. And to make it worse?

A’ja Wilson was sitting courtside.

Yeah. Bam brought his A-game and did that with a real one watching. She saw it all. Wemby got posterized in front of the reigning WNBA Finals MVP.

That ain’t a dunk. That’s a war crime.

We all watched it.

Right before halftime. Bam caught him SLIPPIN’. Took flight like TSA didn’t even check him. BOOM.

Wembanyama’s lanky a** just stood there like a Black Mirror episode buffering. I ain’t never seen a 7’4″ human being look that helpless. It wasn’t just a dunk. It was a statement. A TED Talk. A fucking campaign video for Bam’s Defensive Player of the Year case.

And Wemby tried to play it off postgame like:

“Getting dunked on is part of the game…”

PART OF THE GAME?! Nah dawg. That was part of your baptism. You just got converted to Heat Culture. That poster’s going on the wall at KUSH.

Captain bamerica WAS THE BEST PLAYER ON THE COURT

The score can fool you if you didn’t watch because Miami was in this contest the entire game and Bam played like the best player on the court. The Heat’s captain dropped 31 points, grabbed 10 boards, had 3 assists, 1 steal, 1 block, shot 12-of-27 from the field (including  4-of-13 from three (because fuck it, we’re launching now) and took on the challenge of guarding The Slenderman With Handles™ and made him WORK for every bucket

And all of that while defending Victor’s tall alien ass with no help. No traps. No zone. Just straight mano a mano pitbull bulls**t.

Spo didn’t send doubles. No shade defense. Just pure stubborn-ass one-on-one effort.

And keep in mind — we were missing:

Tyler Herro (ankle)
Norman Powell (groin)
Nikola Jovic (hip)

And three dudes who were probably working at the Dadeland Mall 48 hours ago. We had a rotation that included guys who might’ve just unlocked the backroom at T-Mobile

And STILL we only lost by 6 — 107 to 101.

WEMBY WAS AMAZING. UNTIL HE WASN’T.

Look, I’m not gonna act like Wemby didn’t hoop. He’s a freak.

27 points
18 rebounds
6 assists
5 blocks
10-of-23 from the field
1-of-5 from three
6-of-8 from the line

He blocked shots like a French Dikembe. Controlled the glass. Ran the floor. Yelled at the crowd like he was summoning spirits.

But here’s what matters: He got POSTERIZED.

And you can’t un-poster a poster. That shit lives forever.

Every time he opens Instagram, Bam is there, mid-air, cocked back, reminding him: “I may be shorter, but I’ll snatch your soul.”

When I watched Bam boom that dunk home, all I could think was…

THE OLYMPICS CAN’T ARRIVE FAST ENOUGH BECAUSE TEAM USA VS FRANCE IN 28, IS GOING TO FEED FAMILIES. 

Bam will see Wemby once again, pull up in Los Angeles and bring the same energy he had last night in San Antonio, execpt he’s going to have a bunch of superstars around him with the same energy.

Only this time, he’ll be rocking red, white, and blue while dunking Wemby straight into the Eiffel Tower.

FHEAT LOST, BUT BAM WON THE f**KINg NIGHT

We’re 3-2. The rotation’s banged up. But I sleep well knowing our big man dunked on yours.

Let the Spurs have their little undefeated headline.

Let Wemby have his stats. His blocks. His hype.

We got the moment.

We got the highlight.

We got the BAM SLAM HEARD ROUND THE INTERNET.

And we got another one coming.