MIAMI GOT ROBBED SO BAD THE FBI SHOULD OPEN A CASE

Why the Hurricanes Should Be Ahead of Notre Dame & BYU (And Why Trump & Rubio Are Somehow Involved Now)

The College Football Playoff is straight bulls**t.

Each year it might be cliche to say, “This team got robbed” versus another but this is exactly why College Football has to get it right.

Honestly the College Football Playoff committee was created to not let this happen.

Let me start with this before my blood pressure sends me to Baptist Hospital: Miami beat Notre Dame. Miami has a better résumé than Notre Dame. Miami finished the season hotter than Notre Dame. Miami plays in a conference, unlike Notre Dame who schedules football games like they’re speed-dating opponents. And yet, YET, the College Football Playoff committee managed to rank the team we literally beat ahead of us.

This isn’t incompetence.

This is armed robbery committed with a whiteboard and a hotel conference room projector.

At this point, Miami fans should legally be allowed to storm whatever Marriott ballroom the committee holds its little pizza-party-slash-ranking-ritual in. Because what we witnessed on Sunday night wasn’t “controversial.” It was criminal negligence dressed up as ‘analytics.’

Miami Beat Notre Dame. Period. End of Story. Except Not for the Committee.

The CFP protocol,  the committee’s own damn rulebook, literally says: “When teams are comparable, head-to-head is considered.”

They clearly forgot to add in the “Unless they are Miami” part.

Because wtf is this?

Comparable teams? Miami at 10–2. Notre Dame at 10–2. Similar strength of schedule. Similar strength of record. No major injuries. Same resume neighborhood.

So what do these geniuses do?

Do they follow their own guidelines?

Do they trust the game that was played on the actual field?

Do they act like normal human beings with functioning eyes?

Of course not.

They watched Miami beat Notre Dame 27–24 in Week 1, shrugged, and basically said, “Well… Notre Dame felt like the better team though.”

FELT LIKE? FELT LIKE???

What is this, a spa day? Is the tiebreaker based on vibes and scented candles now? Did the committee vote in a hot yoga class? Did the gold helmets give off a lavender aroma that swayed the room?

It’s f**king wild because Miami won the damn football game.

This is not a f**king metaphor, not philosophically, not emotionally. We won. And the committee treated it like a damn suggestion. It’s like getting mugged and then being told to apologize for blocking the thief’s f**king escape route.

And still, Miami, the team that did everything the protocol asks, is behind the team that failed the protocol’s biggest rule.

You can’t make this up unless you’re writing comedy… which I guess the CFP is doing anyway.

Let’s talk résumés in the real world, not the imagination land the CFP committee lives in.

Miami beat Notre Dame. Miami beat Florida. Miami beat Florida State on the road. Miami beat Stanford. Miami beat a ranked Pitt team in 38-degree weather and beat them so bad the stadium probably qualified for disaster relief. Miami finished the season by outscoring its last four opponents 151–41, playing like a team that rented a room inside the top ten and refused to check out.

Notre Dame? They beat… I don’t know… air molecules? A stiff breeze? Tax season?

Their schedule was softer than a wet napkin in a hurricane.

Zero ranked wins. Zero top-20 wins. Zero conference burdens. Zero accountability.

Their résumé is basically a mood board full of quotes like “just believe” and “imagine if we were good.”

BYU? Look, BYU is a great story, and I respect it. But their schedule? My dog Boji has literally faced tougher resistance chewing on my furniture.

BYU playing Miami’s schedule would go 7–5, maybe 8–4 if God personally spot-coached a few games. And yet the committee has Miami behind them because the record looks pretty on paper, even though the opponents looked like they were assembled by a random generator.

Notre Dame padding their stats on 3–9 Stanford and then getting rewarded for it is the football equivalent of beating a scarecrow in a footrace and getting a scholarship offer.

But here’s the kicker: the committee STILL ranked Miami behind them.

It’s not just disrespect, it’s malpractice.

The CFP Has Lost the Plot So Bad Politicians Are Cutting WWE Promos About Miami Getting Screwed

This is how you know it’s gone off the rails: actual politicians, real senators, are chiming in about Miami’s ranking like it’s a national emergency.

Marco Rubio, a literal Florida Gator, stepped out of nowhere and said,

“I’m a Florida Gator. But if the University of Miami gets screwed out of the College Football Playoffs, after going 10-2 and beating Notre Dame, the whole thing should be scrapped and (Trump) is gonna have to take over next year.”

WHAT????

I didn’t have “Trump takes over CFP committee” on my bingo card, but at this point?

Why the hell not.

But if the University of Miami gets screwed out of the College Football Playoffs, after going 10-2 and beating Notre Dame, the whole thing should be scrapped and (Trump) is gonna have to take over next year.”
byu/KeyFaithlessness5436 inMiamiHurricanesVibes

Imagine Selection Sunday with President Trump on the mic:

“We looked at Notre Dame, total disaster, folks. Sad. Miami? Tremendous team, everyone agrees. Very powerful. BYU? Nice people, lovely people, but the schedule, softer than marshmallows. And the committee? Worst committee in America, not counting Congress. Believe me.”

Tell me that wouldn’t be more entertaining, and honestly more accurate, than whatever we watched this week.

At this point I’m half-expecting Ron DeSantis to issue an executive order declaring Miami the “People’s CFP Representative,” and honestly I wouldn’t blame him.

Miami fans are out here fighting for basic arithmetic while the committee is drawing crayon circles around Notre Dame and calling it “analysis.”

When politicians start treating CFP rankings like foreign policy, that’s how you know the committee officially hit rock bottom.

And kept digging.

Put Miami Ahead of Notre Dame or Just Cancel the Whole CFP & Start Over

Let’s keep it as simple as the committee refuses to.

Miami and Notre Dame have the same record. Miami has better wins. Miami has a stronger finish. Miami has more ranked wins. Miami actually played in a conference. Miami didn’t get blown out. Miami did everything right.

And oh yeah, Miami beat Notre Dame head-to-head.

Notre Dame being ahead of Miami isn’t “controversial.”

It’s brand bias. Gold-helmet privilege. Leprechaun lobbying. NBC-contract favoritism.

The committee can hide behind vague words like “eye test” and “game control,” but the truth is obvious: they care more about shiny helmets than actual football results.

But Miami won’t forget.

Circle November 7.

South Bend.

Revenge tour stop No. 1.

Miami remembers. And Miami doesn’t let s**t like this slide.