The Dallas Wings Let Patient Zero Drop 21 & Bake the Whole Roster
The Dallas Wings lost another home game, and their eight on the season falling to 1-8 following their 93-79 defeat to the Los Angeles Sparks.
The Sparks came to Arlington and turned the Wings into a sad story you tell at BBQs when the brisket has been left out too long.
And the culprit? Azura Stevens.
Stevens is sick. Not like, “yo, she’s cold with it” — though yes, that too — but actually sick.
Flu. Head cold. Stomach bug. One of those “don’t sit next to me on the plane” levels of contagious
And she still pulled up to Arlington and speaking of BBQ, Stevens did the Wings dirtier than a soggy brisket sandwich left out in the sun.
Let’s run the numbers, because they are straight out of NBA2K’s “rookie difficulty with sliders up” mode:
21 points. 8-for-11 from the field. Career-high 5 threes. 3 blocks. 2 steals. 72.7% shooting.
Stevens became the only player in WNBA history with at least 16 points, three blocks, two steals, and four three-pointers made while shooting at least 70% overall in a game. And she did all of this while allegedly being a biohazard.
You know what that means? We have officially entered the Azurá Stevens Flu Game Era. Put her jersey in the Louvre.
“She’s sick,” Lynne Roberts said. “One of those Michael Jordan games.”
No lies detected. Jordan had the flu and 38. Azura had the sniffles and 5-for-8 from three. Same energy.
Additional the Sparks got help from their other stars on the team. Dearica Hamby joined the party and scored a cool twenty piece playing her normal brand of straight bully ball. Meanwhile even Odyssey Sims — fresh off a 32-point game — turned the volume down to 19 and still cooked throughout the entire game.
Sims who is a native to Dallas, and played for the Wings last season came with a fresh mentality to dominate.
“It’s always good to come home…they love me (fans) like I never left…of course it feels good back to be in the win column” said Sims
The Sparks opened the third with a 6-0 run. Opened the fourth with a 9-0 run. Dallas opened both with vibes and vague memories of a defensive plan.
Kelsey Plum might’ve only scored 11, but she handed out nine assists and looked like she was running a rideshare app for open shooters. The Plum-to-Stevens connection was money all night. Rickea Jackson had a cool 10.
Dallas, on the Other Hand, Looked Like They Had Food Poisoning
Turns the ball over again while reading the stat sheet.
Oh. Fifteen turnovers. That’s how we’re living.
Listen, we all know superstar point guard, Paige Bueckers and Ty Harris are out. That’s not just important — that’s “burn the game plan and go full improv” important. But when your entire offensive identity boils down to “hope DiJonai Carrington does something cool,” you’re already halfway into the WNBA Lottery Simulator.
In all fairness, DiJonai’s been trying her absolute hardest not to let the roof cave in.
Carrington dropped 16 on 5-for-12 shooting, hit every free throw like the ball personally insulted her family. Also, she scored in double figures for the fifth straight game. That’s consistency. That’s grit.
That’s a woman who is tired of the group chat excuses.
Meanwhile, rookie JJ Quinerly came through with a career-high 14 and a couple “wait, who TF is THAT?” highlights that made the arena sit up straight. She’s got that dawg in her — just needs someone to help walk it.
Everyone else?
Barbecue.
Smoke and dust.
Chris Koclanes said it himself:
“They exposed us more than anyone has for not having a point guard tonight.”
Translation: This was a group project and no one did the Google Doc.
However one other bright spot for Dallas was none other than rookie center Luisa Geiselsöder.
The German Hammer dropped 11 points, grabbed 10 rebounds, and was the only person in a black jersey who consistently looked like she wanted to be there.
Geiselsöder said this about her career performance.
I think just being here helping the team and playing my game to be honest. Doing what the team needs…offense flows when defense is great” said Geiselsöder.
Additionally head coach Chris Koclanes spoke about his rookie center’s production.
“She’s a connector,” said Koclanes. “Keeps guards in front, moves the ball…”
Sir, she also crashed the glass like it owed her money.
Final Score: Pain
Dallas is now 1-8. The vibes are deteriorating like a Jenga tower at a frat party.
“We have to be locked in from the beginning…” Koclanes said.
“We continue to talk about it…we’ve got to change it…”
Coach. Buddy. At some point, the group chat has to turn into results.
If there’s a silver lining? It’s that JJ and Luisa look like real pieces. Paige will be back. Ty will be back. Someone will eventually dribble the ball without drama.
Until then, we ride the storm. And try not to get cooked by a sick girl in gray shoes ever again.
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