Y’ALL PLAY VIRGINIA FIRST, RIGHT?

We’re less than eight days away from Miami vs. Florida State in Tallahassee, and the vibes couldn’t be more different.

Miami? We’re on a bye week, chilling, feet up after putting belt to ass on the Florida Gators and cruising into the NCAA’s No. 2 spot in the country. Life’s good. Vibes are immaculate. Carson Beck is in Heisman chatter, Rueben Bain Jr. is destroying quarterbacks like it’s his side hustle, and Mario Cristobal has the culture humming.

Florida State? The ‘Noles are out here screaming for attention like the kid at the club who keeps yelling “I got next” but hasn’t hit a shot all night.

And leading the charge? Their quarterback — and I use that term loosely — Thomas Castellanos. Yes, that Thomas Castellanos. The UCF transfer who already talks like he’s got a statue outside Doak Campbell.

This week, my guy got real loud.

He actually said he’s “closer to Cam Ward than Carson Beck.”

News flash: you’re not. You’re Thomas Castellanos. Respectfully… who? Right now you’re closer to Cam’Ron in 2002 than Cam Ward in 2025. Somebody’s gotta tell him.

And then, just to make sure Miami fans heard him, he dropped lines about the Canes like he just signed an NIL deal with Publix:

“Mario’s a great coach and they have a decent team this season, but let’s be real, Cam Ward’s gone. I’m closer to Cam than Carson is. We aren’t the same 2-10 team from last year, catch y’all next week.”

That’s cute. But here’s the issue: you play Virginia tonight.

If I’m Florida State, maybe I’d worry about not getting smacked in Charlottesville before talking about The U.

Y’all remember 1995, right? Last time UVA hosted y’all in prime time, they ended your run at No. 2 and disrupted your dynasty. Ghosts from that night are still floating around Tallahassee like unpaid rent.

And let’s not act like this FSU program is untouchable. They just crawled out of 2–10 last year. One big win over Alabama and suddenly they’re chest-puffing like Bobby Bowden resurrected himself and started calling plays again. Chill. Beat Virginia first.

WHO EXACTLY ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FEAR?

Meanwhile, Miami’s roster actually has dudes.

Carson Beck isn’t just solid — he’s Heisman-level solid. Rueben Bain Jr. treats offensive linemen like speed bumps, tossing grown men around like they wandered into traffic. Malachi Toney reclassified early and still looks like a future star. Mark Fletcher Jr. is out here putting up highlight runs every weekend.

So who exactly are we supposed to be scared of at Florida State? Castellanos? The same QB who had Miami fans snoring last year? Their offense doesn’t keep anyone up at night. Unless you count Miami fans laughing too hard to sleep.

Even Bain Jr. had to step in and check Castellanos:

“I respect the kid, he’s playing his little heart out. They’ve gotten a little bit of confidence after beating Alabama. We’ll see most of the 2-10 boys next weekend.”

This is th exact energy we love in Miami. We get straight to the point with respectful shade and a steel chair behind it.

THE DIFFERENCE IS CULTURE

Here’s the truth: Florida State’s a good team again. They’ve got weapons. They’ll win games. But a threat to Miami? Not yet.

Because Miami isn’t running on gimmicks anymore. No more Cuban link turnover chains. No more one-year rentals who don’t fit the system. Cristobal is building a program out of Miami kids in Miami uniforms playing Miami football. That’s culture. That’s sustainable. That’s terrifying for everybody else.

So when FSU’s QB starts chirping about us before even playing Virginia, it tells me everything I need to know. Miami’s already in their heads. They can’t even focus on the game in front of them without saying “The U.”

That’s power. That’s fear. That’s respect.

So yeah, Castellanos can keep cosplaying as Cam Ward. He can keep looking ahead to Miami. But if FSU slips tonight in Charlottesville? That whole speech is going to look real dumb Monday morning.

Catch y’all next week? Nah.

You might catch these Hoos first.